we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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