Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize