he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
