Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
