someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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