You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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