Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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