Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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