I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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