"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
