I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
