I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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