my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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