We're facebook friends in real life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
