she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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