Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
