i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
