I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
