I need help removing her.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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