Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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