Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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