Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
