We won't sleep together?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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