so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
