i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
