I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
