Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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