I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
