wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
