phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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