did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
