apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
