i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
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playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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