I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
