Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
