that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
