I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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