There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
