ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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