i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
