She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
