Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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