Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize