In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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