There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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