I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
