Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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