I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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