I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
