Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
