the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
