these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
