I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
