i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.