it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent