He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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