Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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