lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
