Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
