I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize