it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
pop tarts are not kleenex
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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