Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
