guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
