Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Rumble strips road head = magical
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
